War. Life. What to do?

As we witness a war against Israel’s existence, over 200 hostages in Hamas’ hands, anti-Semitism rising to a level beyond comprehension through the United States and world, Palestinians whose terrorist leaders intentionally use them as pawns to be sacrificed, and world opinion switching from “of course Israel must protect herself against terrorist” to believing Israel should stop protecting its people matched with a deafening silence regarding any statement for Hamas to release the hostages.

Even when Hamas leaders make public statements that they will not end their terrorist activities until Israel no longer exists. Even when Hamas and other terrorist groups encourage the murder of Jews around the world. Even when the IDF gives hours – and sometimes days – warning to innocent civilians to leave an area they are preparing to take out because it’s a Hamas operative; sharing military plans in a way which can be used against them. Even when Hamas tells/makes people in Gaza stay after the IDF implores them to leave.

Even, even, even… Israel somehow is responsible for everything happening. No one seems to care about facts or nuance.

The is a great case to be made to crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head, and wait for/pray for all of these horrors to pass. But each one of us is called to do more – especially right now.

None of us can “fix” this. But we each can choose to try to make a difference.

1. Everyone can advocate. Research and share facts on social media and incorporate them in respectful conversations with others who want to understand more, are struggling with dueling narratives they are hearing, etc.

2. Don’t waste time or effort engaging in online arguments with someone who is pushing lies – there is a slim chance you will change their or any of their followers minds. And in today’s world you could also become a target for online hate.

3. Reach out to elected leaders to ensure they have facts, to ask for their support of Israel, to ask them to support increased security funding for religious organizations, and to thank them when they make any of these types of efforts.

4. Donate to organizations supporting Israel in her time in need. Jewish Federations, American Jewish Committee, Anti-Defamation League, Magen David Adom, are among the top ones I think about – there are more, just be sure you do your research to ensure it is a reputable 501C3.

5. Get to know people outside your inner circle. Have respectful conversations with those who don’t look, love, and/pray as you do (or don’t).

6. Don’t stereotype or assume the worst about someone because of their immutable characteristics (race, religion, nationality, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, age and/or disability). Get to know THAT person – not some assumption you might have of them.

7. Use your voice to stand up and speak out for others who are targeted with hateful words or actions. We must be allies for others in the way we want others to be our allies.

AND. Keep living and trying to find moments of joy whenever, wherever and with whomever you can.

Over the last few weeks I have been overwhelmingly drawn to speaking with and seeing family members and longtime friends. I find these conversations and, when possible, being in each other’s presence, incredibly comforting.

We learn from Rabbi Tarfon in Pirkei Avot – The responsibility is not ours to complete, but neither may we withdraw from it.

Advocate. Donate. Live life.

Am Yisrael Hai!

Is Passion Always Enough?

Roberta S. Clark, Jewish Educator & Communal Professional

In the nonprofit – and for profit – world we often, rightfully, praise an individual (or organization or business) for their passion about a particular topic or cause. Many of us are inspired and motivated by a discussion presented with a high level of emotion. Sometimes we don’t agree with the idea, but respect the sincerely held belief and are challenged to consider the fact that our perspective isn’t the only valid one; these instances certainly have the ability to bring value to individuals, organizations and businesses.

But is passion enough to impact positive change?

Maybe, but maybe not.

Our world seems to be polarized in every way possible. You are either with me or against me, and therefore you are either friend or foe. Nuance seems to be a rare option in tough discussions in today’s world. One passionate perspective often draws an equally opposite passionate perspective – which sets the stage for disagreement, all too often unkind comments, and a passionate mess where those engaging or observing end up creating an unhealthy environment (short or long term) and doing little to move the needle on issues of concern.

Yes, I do believe that there are times when a passionate presentation of an idea or cause motivates some of us to take action to help (serve at a soup kitchen, paint a house, sort food at a pantry, etc.), volunteer to be on a committee to help set policy, and/or donate to an issue of concern (participating via work, wisdom and/or wealth). Often that action is one and done – a quick supportive moment that doesn’t have a long term impact.

Real and sustainable change occurs when we combine passion with education and strategy.

Impacting real change – in individuals, organizations or businesses – requires committing to a marathon, not a sprint, and includes:

• making and taking the time to ask those who are also passionate about the issue or idea – but not necessarily for the same reason you are – to join you at the table to discuss what you want to accomplish (creating a core leadership group);
• creating a goal (or goals) – deciding what a successful outcome looks like which could be: 1) the number of people who register to vote, who sign up for recurring volunteer opportunties, who become a mentor int he workplace, etc.; or 2) designing and implementing new inclusion policies, or 3) developing a new process for the organization to determine when and how public statements are crafted and delivered;
• researching opposing perspectives to understand what obstacles to desired success exist;
• designing opportunities for others outside of the core group to raise concerns in a respectful way (in their delivery of – and in your receipt of – their thoughts);
• crafting a message (or messages) for selected audience(s) to inform them of an issue/idea;
• being willing to edit messaging and medium of delivery to best meet goals (to have the humility and understanding that being open to a learning curve often increases and enhances your ability to impact change); and
• planning ways to engage others to help them understand the issue/idea – have a subject expert speaker or someone impacted by the issue/idea speak, and/or visit a place where related work is occurring to observe first hand.

Real change occurs when real work is put in to “make it so.” It is easy to be really happy or really angry about something going on. It takes much more effort and long term commitment to combine that passion with education and strategy to impact positive change.

©️ Roberta S. Clark

 

A New Year of Possibilities

Our world seems to be in a whirlwind of issues and incidents of concern. Hatred seems unleashed everywhere you look, a lack of basic civility abounds, and the impact of the pandemic has been overwhelming – in lives loss, for those who are dealing with long term symptoms, the mental health impact, and the financial impact.

And yet.

Good people, allies, continue to speak out against hateful words and actions directed to others. We see every day heroes jumping into action to save others in so many different ways throughout the year (and more examples which we will never know about).

We human beings are complex. We have good days and bad days – show great sensitivities some days and are unkind on other days. We have no control of each other’s hearts, minds and actions – but we have 100% control of our own heart, mind and actions.

As we enter a new year I hope we – and more selfishly, I – will start with a positive attitude and desire to try harder to help others in big ways and small ways; to speak out – in appropriate ways – when hatred is directed towards anyone; to plan and enjoy meaningful moments with family and friends; and to just be kind.

Best wishes for a New Year filled with great health, lots of loved ones in your life, much happiness and many meaningful moments!

Prisoners in Our Own Country

We’ve become prisoners in our own country.

Legislative leaders and courts making decisions to take away basic rights away based on immutable characteristics.

Legislative leaders and courts determined to remove the separation between church and state, ignoring and/or excluding the rights of those who identify with minority faith traditions or those who choose not to identify with any faith tradition.

Legislative leaders and courts refusing to make decisions to lesson the injuries, deaths and terror created by lack of common sense gun control.

We’ve become prisoners in our own country.

©️ Roberta S. Clark

How is it possible?

Over 41 million innocent people in Ukraine being attacked. Children, women and men. All ages and stages. Bombs and other weapons descending upon their country. Millions fleeing for their lives. Women and children being separated from their husbands and fathers, who are required to stay to fight for their country.

How is it possible that one person can bring the wrath of their country’s military upon an innocent country?

How is it possible that one person can insult the memories of Holocaust victims, survivors, liberators and righteousness gentiles by claiming one of the reasons for his unproved aggression was to rid Ukraine of nazism? Ukraine, whose President Volodymyr Zelensky is Jewish and had family members murdered in the Holocaust.

How is it possible that in 2022 this unprovoked aggression – this all out war – can be happening in our “civilized” world?

Our world is overwhelmed with darkness. We are heartbroken by the reign of terror and death upon the Ukrainian people.

We must be the light.

We must do all that we can to support organizations helping the Ukrainian people. Please donate generously to any of the many NGOs providing help to the Ukrainian people. We must help feed, clothe and transport Ukrainians to safety.

We must also be the light by reaching out to our elected leaders and encouraging them to continue to provide all possible support – in funds, military needs and any other way – to save as many Ukrainians as possible.

In the 40s, when Hitler was determined to rid the world of every Jewish person, the world looked away. Millions were murdered by the Nazi killing machine.

We must not look away.

How is it possible?

Jewish Federation Board Meeting Parshat Noah – October 7, 2021

The Torah reading this Shabbat is Noah. I have to admit I’ve always found Noah to be a fascinating Jewish community leader.

This Torah portion teaches us that G-d found Noah to be the only righteous person of that generation and that Noah walked with G-d. We learn that Noah was “blameless” in his age. There has always been debate whether Noah was really so wonderful or if he was just the best of what existed in humankind. Was G-d settling in choosing Noah or was Noah somehow special in ways the rest of humankind couldn’t be or chose not to be.

When we think about leaders in the Torah, I always think about Noah, Abraham, and Moses. They each had very different and distinct leadership styles.

Moses had a speech impediment and whether it was for that reason or others, when approached by G-d with the task of speaking for G-d to Pharoah, he didn’t feel worthy. G-d compromised by giving Moses his brother Aaron as a partner to help, but as we know, Moses became a significant leader of the Jewish people.

Abraham had a vastly different style than Moses – Abraham had some hutzpah. Abraham argued with G-d. When G-d told Abraham that he was going to wipe out all of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham bargained with G-d over and over again to try to save the people. His efforts didn’t end as he had hoped, but I feel like his actions showed his great bravery and G-d’s patience and compassion by allowing Abraham to push back on an issue of great importance.

G-d told Noah that he was going to wipe out all life on earth and that Noah was going to be tasked with saving his own family, saving each animal species, and of building an ark. Pretty big responsibilities to take on out of the blue. Did Noah ask G-d why? Did Noah try to negotiate getting someone to be his partner to help ease his load? The answer to all of these questions is a resounding “no!”

So how does Noah size up with Abraham and Moses and what do they all teach us about leadership? Are the best leaders hesitant to take charge, willing to push back or totally compliant? I believe the best leaders are able to play each of those roles – adapting as realities present themselves.

What a great parsha for me to “get” for the last d’var Torah I have the privilege to share with you, the Jewish Federation leadership. You each exemplify the willingness to respond when and how needed. I am so fortunate to have had the chance to work with you – you gave me the chance to make mistakes and to learn from them, you have taught me a lot and I am grateful to you for your generosity in support and friendship. Thank you.

I join you in being excited for Rachel to take on the role of Interim Executive Director. She’s already done a great job helping the Jewish Federation grow in many important ways. You are lucky to have her – and she is lucky to have such supportive, compassionate, and hardworking leaders.

I’ll continue to be cheering you on from New Jersey and wish you each of you and this wonderful organization only good things!

Clark B&B Down the Shore

More photos than you want to see of my soon to be NJ abode. It is a large 1987 ranch – owned and lived in by a real estate agent the last 15 years. Tons of rooms with many cool built-ins/upgrades. Lots of cosmetic stuff I’ll want to do down the road; but will be move in ready.

Open for guests by the end of November 2021. Free WiFi… and food… and dog hugs.

Words Matter: Holocaust Analogies Are Never Appropriate

Roberta S. Clark, Executive Director, Jewish Federation of Greater Oklahoma City

Published in The Oklahoman on August 8, 2021

Many of us grew up learning the adage – Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. We now know that saying is not true. For many of us, the most hurt we have experienced in our lives has been related to what someone has said to us, about us or about a loved one. Whether out of ignorance or with intent, unkind words and phrases can and do have a profound negative impact in our lives.

Holocaust analogies fall into this category of having a hurtful and hateful impact. The Holocaust was a genocide, it was an attempt to kill all Jewish people. Six million Jews, along with millions of other people, were murdered because of their immutable characteristics or because they had the decency and courage to stand up and speak out against the mistreatment of the Jewish people.

When individuals or organizations use Holocaust analogies with anything not relating the Holocaust they desecrate the memories of survivors, those murdered in the Holocaust, those who risked their lives to save Jews and to the liberators.

Trivializing decisions which you are unhappy with the act of genocide is insulting. We have seen too many Holocaust analogies by those who have differences of opinion related to our current pandemic. Likening requirements to wear masks and recommendations for vaccinations to living and dying in a concentration camp is ill informed and inappropriate. Make no mistake about it, the impact of such comparisons is hurtful.

I have walked through many of the concentration camps in Poland, including Auschwitz, Birkenau, Majdanek and Treblinka. I have seen the unimaginable conditions Jews were forced to live under. I have seen the nail scratches made on the walls in gas chambers, made from Jews who were dying a horrific death simply because of who they were. I have walked through the crematoria in Majdanek, where human ash of those murdered are a reminder of man’s inhumanity to man.

Wearing a mask and getting vaccinated are recommendations from health experts to help us survive this current health crisis. People may disagree with those recommendations and/or they may choose to refuse to follow those recommendations or policies which emanate from them. They have not been restricted to live in a ghetto. They have not had their belongings stolen from them. They are not being persecuted and they are not being murdered. They have not been targeted for death because of an immutable characteristic. To draw an analogy of public health attempts to save lives with the Holocaust is highly inappropriate.

Our country is one where we are fortunate to have free speech. We have the right to express any opinion as passionately as we would like. We do not, however, have the right to expect freedom of critiques of our words or actions. When we learn that our words have hurt another person, we should have the maturity and compassion to apologize and to learn from our mistakes.

We should each strive to learn from the atrocities of the Holocaust by treating each person with dignity and respect – when we agree and especially when we disagree.

 

Do You Want the Blessing or the Curse

Temple B’nai Israel – August 6, 2021

Parshat Re’eh

Roberta S. Clark

              

Do we want the blessing or the curse? The prize or the punishment?

Re’eh is a large portion; it is a continuation of Moses relaying laws, rituals, and expectations to the Jewish people. Many topics and themes are included in the reading: idolatry, sacrificial offerings, tithing of crops, laws of kashrut (keeping kosher), shemitah (remission of debts after seven years), our responsibility to help those in need, and the observance of the three Pilgrimage Festivals (Pesah, Shavuot, Sukkot). Moses, speaking on behalf of God, is presenting the Jewish people with laws and expectations God has for them.

See, this day I set before you blessing and curse: blessing if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I enjoin upon you this day; and curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, . . . (Deuteronomy 11:26-28)

I have always found those first few lines of the parsha to be applicable in so many aspects of our lives outside of our relationship with God – particularly in thinking about the relationships between parents and children and, of course, settings like schools, youth group programs and camps, where we try to teach children to make good choices – and what the consequences will be when they make bad choices. But in all honesty, these words are applicable to all of us throughout our lives – in family relationships, friendships and in the workplace.

Simply put, Moses was telling the Jewish people that if they do WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO God will reward them, and if they DISOBEY God, they will be punished, or cursed, by God. Much like the relationship between God and the Jewish people, parents, teachers, supervisors, and other role models – in the best-case scenario – present us with a structure of rules and regulations to encourage us to make healthy, positive, and productive decisions in life. Hopefully that guidance helps us become well-adjusted human beings who strive to be good citizens. Within our Jewish community we hope learning to make good choices helps us become knowledgeable and participatory Jews who strive to have a positive impact in our world through our words and deeds.

In Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of our Fathers, Rabbi Akiva is attributed as saying:

Everything is foreseen, yet the freedom of choice is given. The world is judged with goodness, and everything depends on the abundance of good deeds. (3:19)

This is the fundamental concept of Divine Providence – the belief that God knows our choices and yet does not interfere with them (even the bad ones).

We are responsible for the decisions we make – whether they are good decisions or bad decisions. Newsflash. Making good choices can be hard. We have good and bad days. We have days when we choose to care about others – and days when maybe we don’t as much as we should. Sometimes we make decisions with the best of intentions and, sometimes, not so much. We make mistakes. We are human and imperfect and always on a learning curve.

This Torah portion emphasizes that discipline has its place in Jewish living. We are supposed to fulfill religious obligations known as mitzvot, commandments. The idea is that if we study Jewish texts and traditions and strive to incorporate mitzvot into our lives, we are working towards having the knowledge and skills necessary to develop and maintain good decision making and healthy relationships.

Living Jewishly requires an effort. We make choices – in other words, assert our free will – all day every day.  Our choices bring us both “blessings” and “curses;” our choices also result in “blessings” and “curses” for others in our life. We hope that we make the right decisions for the right reasons. But we will all slip some days. On those days, hopefully, we learn to recalibrate our choices for better outcomes – increasing blessings for ourselves and others.

May we all strive to receive and give blessings by our words and actions.

Shabbat Shalom

 

 

 

 

Rituals, Passover and Pedagogy

Parshat Tzav

D’var Torah given at Temple B’nai Israel, Oklahoma City

This Shabbat’s Torah portion is Tzav, it is filled with details of many rituals, including:

• The five sacrifices that the priests are to perform. (6:1-7:38)
• Limitations on the consumption of meat. (7:17-27)
• Details about the ordination of Aaron and his sons as priests and the preparation of the Tabernacle as a holy place. (8:1-36)

I find rituals fascinating. Dictionary.com gives a variety of definitions of the word “ritual;” the one I identify with most is “an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.” The same site defines “rite” as “any customary observance or practice.”

Many of us think about rituals most in the context of religious rituals, but most of us probably choose to incorporate all sorts of specific rituals into our daily lives around exercise, eating, work, family interactions and social time with friends.

I’ve heard many people expressing that you’re “in or out” when it comes to particular religious rituals – either you keep kosher all the way or you don’t – keeping a kosher kitchen isn’t keeping kosher; if you wear a kippa on Shabbat morning you should be wearing it every day; if you say you’re Shabbat observant you should not be using electronics on Shabbat; if you’re keeping Passover, you won’t eat out at restaurants and you will only eat kosher for Passover items. I’ve heard some people say that they think is that it is hypocritical to say you observe a particular ritual if you don’t observe it from how they understand Jewish tradition about that ritual. It’s all or none!

I believe for most of us, life choices don’t work that way – we have a lot more nuance to our decision-making. In the best-case scenario, our ritual decision-making involves knowledge, experience and assessing personal meaning. That personal meaning part implies we won’t all make the same decision. I’ve also learned that sometimes we choose to incorporate or not incorporate rituals based on our emotional associations with them and/or particular relationships in our lives – it’s how my Nana taught me, I don’t know why I do it that way. We are a complicated bunch, we humans.

One of the aspects of the Reform Movement’s statements defining what it means to be a Reform Jew is the emphasis of learning about and experiencing Jewish rituals before deciding whether to include or exclude them from our lives. Maybe all of it is meaningful; maybe only some of it; maybe none of it. How can we decide if attending services; keeping kosher; lighting Shabbat and festival candles; saying kaddish for loved ones, and so many other Jewish rituals, add meaning to our lives if we don’t take time to learn about them and take them for a test drive? If the meaning part matters – we have a responsibility to figure out what is meaningful to each of us.

The Reform movement is not defined by what any particular Reform Jew or Reform congregation decides regarding ritual; the Reform movement, in my opinion, is defined by the process of making those decisions – with knowledge, experience and a quest to find personal meaning and identification through Jewish rituals.

I have always believed that the festival of Passover, more than any other festival or holiday throughout the Jewish year, models brilliant pedagogy. We relive Yitziyat Mitzrayim, the Exodus from Egypt,through storytelling, food, lots of specific rituals and over many days. I’m unsure if the data is the same now, but I remember from graduate school days that sociological studies of the Jewish world always included a question about Passover observance and that many Jews who didn’t identify strongly with Jewish living in many other ways often indicated that they would always attend a Seder or eat matzah during Passover. Somehow those respondents found some aspect of Passover observances meaningful even if they didn’t choose to identify Jewishly in many other ways.

Ritual is powerful – it connects us to our history, to the Jewish people, and to our families. Family rituals and memories often intertwine with religious rituals. I won’t EVER forget the time my brother figured out a system to know which room our father hid the afikomen in; I might not ever forgive my brother either! And yes, my Uncle who always accidently forgot to bring his glasses to our house and was so sorry that he couldn’t participate in reading the Haggadah this year (and who are we kidding, every year).

You probably are aware that the Haggadah is one of the most printed books – many people have written and published their own; families often create their own and lots of us like to collect them. While the commentaries vary – the core of the Haggadah has a specific seder, order. I bet many of you, when you think about the Haggadah, have one or more favorite tefillah or commentary which resonates with you.

I’ve always been fascinated by the story of the four children. The Haggadah instructs us to respond to each child – wise, wicked, simple and the one unable to ask – differently, based on their ability to understand. The Rabbis got that we don’t learn in the same way, we don’t have the same capabilities and we don’t make the same choices. Pedagogy 101!

• The wise child wants to understand the laws and observances as commanded to us by G-d.
• The wicked child wants to know what the big deal is – “what is this observance to you?”
• The simple child doesn’t understand the most basic concepts and asks, “what is this?”
• And the child who doesn’t know how to ask a basic question gets a basic introduction.

Through my years, I’ve looked at this story as less about different types of children, and more as the ways we each journey through Judaism – deciding how we choose to, or not to, identify with the Jewish people and our Jewish community. We don’t know how to ask. We just don’t get it. We don’t care. We want to understand and participate. Sometimes we seem on track for good things – and sometimes we don’t even know a track exists.

This pandemic has thrown many of us off whatever track we thought we were on. I’m unsure all of us will celebrate Passover in-person with loved ones or via an online platform over the next two evenings. We still have many unknowns. But our knowns include Jewish tradition and family histories filled with Passover rituals – rituals which remind us of loved ones who are no longer with us, with ways we personally connect to Yitziyat Mitzraim, rituals which challenge us to lift up the oppressed in our community and in our world – to help others exit from their own Egypt.

I’ll end with two questions: Which Passover family and/or religious rituals are meaningful to you? How do you choose to identify Jewishly through the Passover holiday?

Shabbat Shalom and hag kasher v’sameah!